Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Family Humour

Where do Red-headed Babies Come From?

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
“Doctor,” the man asked, “I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little bit upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!” “Nonsense,” 
the doctor said...”even though you and your wife both have black hair, 
one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”

It isn't possible,” the man insisted. This can't be. Our families on both sides 
had jet-black hair for generations.” “Well,” said the doctor, ”let me ask you 
this question. How often do you have sex?” The man was a bit ashamed. 
“I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love 
once or twice every few months.”

Well...there you have it!” the doctor said confidently...
It's Rust!”

The Will

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. 
He went to the doctor...and he was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman returned
in a month to the doctor and the doctor stated, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times.”

I Didn't Do It!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in 
their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers 
strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, 
as was the front door of the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess! A lamp had been knocked over and the rug was wadded against the wall. The Family Room 
was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the Kitchen, dishes 
filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door 
was wide open, a broken glass lay under the table and a small pile of sand 
spread at the back door from a toppled pail and shovel.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothing, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill or that something serious 
had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way 
out of the Bathroom door. As he peered inside, he found wet towels, scumming soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet tissue lay in a heap 
and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the Bedroom, he found his wife...still curled up in her pyjamas, reading a book. She looked at him...smiled...and asked him how his day went. 
He looked bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled...and answered, “You know, every day when you come home from work...and you ask me, “What in the world did you do today?”

Yes...” was his incredulous reply. She answered, “Well, Today I Didn't Do It!”

(The foregoing...from a Family Magazine I recently read in Connecticut)

I debated, “Is this Humorous? “ or is it
“a Sad State of being Unappreciative?”

Geography Lesson...A New Spin

Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22: A woman is like Africa half discovered, half wild, fertile
                                 and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 35: A woman is like Europe ~ well developed and open to
                                 trade, especially for something of value.
Between 36 and 40: A woman is like Greece ~ and gently aging, but still
                                  a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50: A woman is like Great Britain ~ with a glorious and all
                                 conquering past.
Between 51 and 60: A woman is like Israel ~ has been through war,
                                 doesn't make the same mistakes twice and
                                 takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70: A woman is like Canada ~ cool, self-preserving,
                                 but open to meeting people.
After 70: She becomes Tibet ~ wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
                                 and the wisdom of the adventurous spirit ...
                                 and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a Man
Between 1 and 80: A man is like Iran ~ ruled by a couple of nuts.

(Thank you, Sydney, for this Geography Lesson)

Husbands are Husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head 
with a frying pan.What was that for?” the man asked. The wife replied, 
“That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket.” The man then said, “When I was at the races last week,
Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.” The wife apologized and
went on with the housework.

Three days later, the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining awareness, the man asked why she had hit him again. Wife replied...
”Your horse phoned!”

Bus Ride

                         Son:   Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,
                                   he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
                         Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
                         Son:   But, Mom, I was sitting on Daddy's lap!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written October 18, 2011

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  1. Replies
    1. Humour...a necessity in our busy lives....teaches us to see the "entertaining side of life"...often laughing at our own errors.Thanks for favourite nephew! Tia M