Saturday, May 5, 2012

Political Humour II

 John Smith's Job

He started the day early, having his Alarm Clock (made in Japan) set for 6 an
to waken while his Coffee Pot (made in China) began to perk.

While the coffee brewed, John shaved with his Electronic Shaver (made in Hong Kong).

He put on his Dress Shirt (made in Sri Lanka)...Designer Jeans (made in Singapore)
and Tennis Shoes (made in Korea).

After cooking breakfast in his new Electronic Skillet (made in India)  he sat down
 with his Calculator (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his Watch (made in Taiwan) to the Radio (made in India),
he got in his Car (made in Germany), then filled it with Gas (from Saudi Arabia0
and continued his search for a Good-Paying-American-Job!

At the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, checking his Computer 
(made in Malaysia), he put on his Sandals (made in Brazil)...poured himself
a glass of Wine (made in France) and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia).

And then he wondered why he can't find a Good-Paying-Job in America!

Now, John's hoping he can get help from a President ... (made in Kenya)!!!

(Author unknown)



Worried your pension will run short?
So, you're a senior citizen and the government says,
“There is no nursing home available to you .”
What do you do?
Senior Health Care Solution!

Our New Plan
gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 MPs and 2 illegal immigrants!
 Of course, this means you will be sent to prison
and will get...3 meals a day...a roof over your head...central heating...
air conditioning...and all the health care you need!
And in Ontario
you get HD TV...and sex change  operations are allowed as well!
New teeth?...No problem.
New glasses?...Great.
New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?...All covered!
(And your kids can come and visit as often as they do now.)

And who will be paying for all this?
The same government that just told you
that they cannot afford for you to go into a home!
Plus...because you are a prisoner,
you don't have to pay income tax any more!
Desperate?  No More!!!
Is This a Great Country or What?

No wonder the rest of the world's population
can't get here fast enough!

(Courtesy to a long-time-teacher-acquaintance for the above)


Heaven and Hell

While walking down the street one day, a Corrupt Member of Parliament
(that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 
“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.  “Before you settle in, it seems there
is a  problem.  We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see,
so we're not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Member of Parliament.  St Peter then
 responded,“Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from  higher up.  What we'll do
 is have you spend  one day in hell and one in heaven.  Then you can choose
 where to spend eternity.”

“Really?...I've made up my mind.  I want to go to heaven,” says the Member
of Parliament.“I'm sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts
 him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.  The doors open
and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.  In the distance is a
clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
 who had worked with him.  Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand and reminisce about the good times
 they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and
The finest champagne.  Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly
guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.  They are all having
 such a good time that before the Member of Parliament realizes, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. 
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in Heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him.  “Now it's time to visit Heaven...”

So, 24 hours pass with the Member of Parliament joining a group of contented
Souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a
good time...before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. 
Now choose your eternity.” The Member of Parliament reflects for a minute,
then he answers, “Well, I would never have said it before...I mean Heaven
has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”  So St. Peter
escorts him to the elevator and he does down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.  He sees his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground. 
The devil comes over to meet him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don't understand,” stammers the Member of Parliament.  “Yesterday,
I was here and  there was a golf course and clubhouse and we ate lobster
and caviar, drank champagne and danced and had a great time. 
Now, there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. 
What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,
“Yesterday we were campaigning.  Today you voted.”


“Pearls of Wisdom”
Every action has a reaction.
A lack of action can also cause events to change.
(Iris Johansen from her noel, Stalemate)

The oldest logic in history? 
Cause and Effect!

Baird-Kerr . . . written February 25, 2012
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