Sunday, April 10, 2016

"Tax Returns"

Oh, you got your income tax return?
Please spend it as quickly as possible so I can hear your complaint
about how broke you are!
(anonymous)

Sometime this year,
we taxpayers will again receive another “Economic Stimulus” payment.
This is indeed a very exciting US program and I'll explain it using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to tax payers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From Taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating
the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the country's economy
by spending your 'stimulus cheque' wisely:
If you spend the 'stimulus money' at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala...
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off...or buy stock...it will go to management bonuses...and they will keep it offshore.
Instead, Keep the Money in North America by:
Spending it at yard sales...going to ball games...spending it on prostitutes, beer or tattoos! These are the only businesses still operating successfully today.
 Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute
that you met at a yard sale...and drink beer all day!
(My thanks to Tom for the foregoing)

Merle Baird-Kerr...penned April 9, 2016
To comment, email  inezkate@gmail.com  or  mbairdkerr@cogeco.ca

2 comments:

  1. MEG WRITES: "That was hilariously funny...but unhappily very true! What a world we live in!"

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  2. Thank you, Meg...you are always so faithful in responding to these writings. So pleased they are of interest to you. Smile and stay healthy!

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