The Cars we Drive...say
a Lot About Us!
(Alexandra Paul)
They emit icon
warnings on the dash board.
They can sputter
and fume...they can purr and rattle.
They can incite
the driver to race or to drive a leisurely pace.
They advise when
gas or oil is low; when a tire is to be changed.
They can beep and
siren (if police or fire engine or ambulance).
They long to be
owned and loved ~ as an animal yearns to be adopted.
They sell their
body by style and colour as a woman dresses to appeal
They’ll give
you directions if you install a GPS.
Bumper stickers, they
apply to “make a statement”.
Autobiography of a
Mercury
(nicknamed “Black
Beauty”)
“I was born in 1939 in
the Ford plant in Windsor, Ontario. My VIN is 56906. I'm classified
as a Series 99A 4-door Town Sedan with a V8 engine of 239 cubic
inches and a curb weight of 3,013 pounds. My first owner paid $957
for me, and I was worth it.
“That first owner was a
Polish immigrant to Canada who lived in Kitchener, Ontario. I meant
a lot to him and he always kept me housed in a garage and never drove
me in the winter. Fortunately, he was able to walk to work at the
Electrohome plant in Kitchener. He kept me for 34 years and when he
was 59, he found another loving home for me. By that time, my
odometer read 18,173 miles.
“There were 3 other
employees at the Electrohome plant who were interested in making me a
part of their family. When the day came, my first owner selected a
man from Listowel, Ontario as my new owner because he was paying my
full price by cash. My second owner was a real Ford enthusiast who
took excellent care of me during the next 15 years. He had my body
repainted and my seats and floor reupholstered. Most of the time he
just washed and polished me. He had a very clean building where he
kept his other cars and I was always indoors with them.
“In September 1988, Ian
Panton from Oakville fell in love with me on his journeys through
Listowel and my owner finally agreed to sell me to Mr. Panton. By
that time, my odometer read 22,812 miles. My engine was rebuilt and
my transmission was overhauled along with the usual washing and
polishing. Every winter, I was lifted up onto my frame to take the
weight off my springs. Perhaps the greatest highlights of my nearly
10 years with Mr. Panton were being the wedding car for his
daughter's marriage and driving in the Woodward Avenue Dream Cruise.
In 1998, I went to another good home in Troy, Alabama.”
This autobiography was written by Ian
Panton in Kingsville, Ontario and published by Bill Sherk in the
Wheels section of the Hamilton Spectator. Bill further adds that the
first Mercury was introduced for the 1939 model year to fill the
price gap between the Ford Deluxe and the Lincoln Zephyr.
Bill is known as The Old
Car Detective
and can be reached
at...billtsherk@sympatico.ca.
Bumper Stickers
Friends of mine, newly
married, exchanged “personalized licence plates” on Valentine's
Day:
Luv U and Luv U
2
Discover Wild Life ~
Raise Twins!
The Earth is Full ~ Go
Home!
The Cardiologist and
the Honda Mechanic
(Thank You,Tom, for this
car story)
Working in his garage, he
noticed a well-known cardiologist in his shop entry. The
cardiologist was waiting for the Service Manager to come and take a
look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey
Doc, want to take a look at this? The cardiologist, a bit surprised,
walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda. The
mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So
Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart...took the valves
out...repaired or replaced anything damaged...and then put everything
back in...and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it
that I make $24,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are
doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, leaned
over and then whispered to the mechanic,
“Try doing it with the
engine running!”
Humourous Words
(thanks to Dilu and Meg who both knew this would amuse me)
If my body were a
car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in
my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull…but that’s
not the worst of it.
My headlights are out
of focus...and it’s especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as
graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into
things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are
stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to
reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But, here’s the
worst of it…almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter…either
my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
Oh! How we love our
cars! And we are so dependent on them…we cannot visualize ‘life
without a car’. To many, cars are our side-kicks, our
friends who transport us from A to B to C…and our 4-wheel pride of
ownership whose style, colour and comfort suits our lifestyle. I
wonder if cars have sensibilities…they do communicate in ‘car
language’…as do birds with other birds…as do animals in their
woodland and jungle tongue. I know of men having a ‘love affair’
with their vehicles ~ even addressing them romantically!
Merle
Baird-Kerr...scripted May 9, 2014
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