Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Parental Humour II


Remember When?

 Today, we reminisce in reading the following...
and are humoured by the “code of living” in yesteryear.
Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting
board with the same knife...and no bleach...but we didn't get food poisoning!

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter; I used to eat it raw sometimes, too!

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag,
not in ice pack coolers...but I can't remember us getting e.coli!

Almost all of us would rather have gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring) beach closures then!

The term cell phone would have been conjured up a phone in a jail cell,
and a pager  was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high-top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with
air cushions and built-in light reflectors.  I can't recall any injuries...but they
must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now!

Flunking gym was not an option...even for stupid kids!  (I guess  PE must be
much harder than gym.)

We never got driven to school and had to go home for lunch and then walked
all the way back to school!  We never had SNOW DAYS OFF!

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the National Anthem.

We must have had horribly damaged  psyches! What an archaic health system
we had then...remember school nurses?  Ours wore a hat and everything!

I also remember cleaning house without an allowance and baby-sitting plus
clean the family kitchen without being paid!

I thought I was to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself!

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Stations,
Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations!

Oh yeah...and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that
bee sting? I could have been killed!!!

We played “King of the Hill” on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites...and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the bottle of Mercurochrome
(48 cents); kids liked  it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then
we got our butts spanked!

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat!

We didn't act up at the neighbour's home either...because if we did, we got our butt spanked there...and then we got our butt spanked again when we got  home!

I recall Donnie Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks
on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she
could have owned our home! Instead, she picked him up for being such a goof.
 It was a amok!

To top it all off, not a single person I knew, had ever been told that they were
a dysfunctional family!

How could we have possibly known that we needed to get group therapy and anger management classes?  We were obviously, so duped by so many societal ills...that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?
(Author unknown)

Modern Day Interpretation of “The Birds and the Bees”!

  A little boy goes to his father and asks,“ was I born?”

The father  answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a Chat Room at Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via E-mail with your  Mom and we met at a Cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room and Googled each other.  Then your Mother agreed to a Download from my Hard-drive.

As soon as I was ready to Upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a Firewall and since it was too late to hit the Delete key, nine months later,
a little Pop-up appeared that said ... You Got Male!

So much for the Stork!
(Unknown author)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

“Pearl of Wisdom”
In Youth we Learn!
In old age...we Understand!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . composed March 15, 2012
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