If you didn't see this on the Tonight Show,
I hope you're sitting down when you read it.
This is probably the funniest date story ever...first date or not!!!
We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake!
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
that a woman ever had. The woman described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was a February winter day...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight) They were actually strangers, after all, and had only recently met. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should have not had that extra latte! They were about one hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try hard to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him, that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside his car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about, “What is taking so long?” with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst our laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...”This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off!”
Oh, and how did the first date turn out?
He became her husband and was sitting next to her
on the Leno show.
“Pearl of Wisdom”
It's not the mistakes that matter.
It's how you recover from them!
(from Barbara Freethy's novel...Garden of Secrets)
John walked into a post office and saw a middle-aged man at the counter pasting ‘love stickers’ on pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then took out a perfume bottle and sprayed scent on them. Curious, John walked up to the man and asked him what he was doing. The man replied, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess Who?’
“But why?” asked John.
“Because,” the man answered, “I’m a divorce lawyer!”
Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written March 9, 2012
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