Wives at a Seminar
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered, 'Today,' a few 'Yesterday' and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell telephones and text to their husband: “I love you Sweetheart!” The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another person and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Below are a few replies ~ some are hilarious. If you've been married quite a while...a sign of true love...who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
Who the hell is this?
Eh, mother of my children...are you sick or what?
Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
What now? Did you crash the car again?
I don't understand what you mean.
What the heck did you do now?
Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need!
If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day!
Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Am I dreaming?
The Shortest College Paper
(This is just too funny and just too brilliant)
A college class of women was told to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: The short story had to contain the following three things...Religion...Sexuality...Mystery. Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class ~
Good God! I'm Pregnant! I wonder who could have done it!”
Mother's Driver's Licence
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied. “It's not polite,” “OK,” the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and are really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?” “That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!”
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My mom won't tell me anything about her,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” says the friend, “all you need to do is look at her driver's licence. It's like a report card...it has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are...you're 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?” “I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.” The mother is past surprised and shocked now. “How in Heaven's name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.” “Oh really?” asks the mother. “Why is that?” “Because you got an F in sex.”
The Husband Seminar
At St. Peter's Catholic Church, they have a weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session one week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, Iva tried to treat her nicea...spenda da money on her...but best of all, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please, tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.”
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna picka her up.”
(The foregoing incidents sent to me by Tom...Thank You.)
Compiled by Merle Baird-Kerr...November 6, 2014
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