Roy Bean says,
“And finally, Winter with its bitin’ whinin’ wind
and all the land will be mantled with snow.”
(courtesy of Dilu)
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. After driving a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
“I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,” she explained. “I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.”
“Don't worry,” John said. “We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed...and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing at Blue Mountain.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend, Keith and asked, “Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?”
“Yes, I do,” said Keith.
“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night...go up to the house and pay her a visit?”
“Well, um, yes!” Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, “I have to admit that I did.”
“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?”
Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
“Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.
Why do you ask?”
“She just died and left me everything.”
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?
You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)
“The problem with winter sports is that (follow me closely here)
they generally take place in winter.”
Canadian Blonde Joke
(courtesy of Tom)
Finally, a blonde joke with some Canadian content:
As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy. 11, a blonde catches up. She jumps our of her car, runs up to his truck...and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, “Hi, my name is Heather...and you are losing some of your load!”
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street, when the truck stops for another red light. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door again. “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!”
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck...and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...............
“Hi, my name is Kevin; it's winter in CANADA,
and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK.....!
Remember This at Christmas Time
(Thank you, Meg)
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while each year both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter...usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudoph to Blitzen, had to be a girl!
We should’ve known…ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man
in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!
* * * * * * *
We cannot stop the winter or summer from coming;
We cannot stop the spring or the fall or make them other than they are.
They are gifts from the Universe that we cannot refuse.
But, we can choose what we will contribute to life when each arrives.
Compiled by Merle Baird-Kerr...December 1, 2014
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