Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Grumpy Old Men Fix Australia

“Absolutely love this!
Whoever thought it up is a genius ~
they need to be congratulated!”

Accept my gratitude, Tom, for sending me the following letter.
It was sent to Tony Abbott, the current Prime Minister of Australia.

Dear Mr. Abbott:

Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to car companies and other businesses that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan...you can call it The Patriotic Retirement Plan. There are about 10 million people over age50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

          They MUST retire ~ Ten million job openings ~ Unemployment fixed!

          They MUST buy a new Australian car ~ Ten million cars ordered ~ Car Industry fixed!

          They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage ~ Housing Crisis fixed!
          They MUST send their kids to school/college/university ~ Crime rate fixed!

          They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ~ and there's your money
          back in duty/tax, etc.

          Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes
          us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to “Reduce your pollution
          emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut you down.”

          Cut down on pollies' perks ~ they earn enough money to pay for their own petrol,
          food, drinks, airfares  for their wives and families...like all other hard-working
          Aussies  do.  We pay big money but we still get MONKEYS!

          No government credit cards for pollies ~ let them get their own then they will be
          more careful about how they use it and pay up on time so as not to incur interest.

It can't get any easier than that!

          P.S.  If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
          falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

          If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know!

Grumpies of the World Unite....with Other Suggestions

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in nursing homes!

This way, the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc. and they'd receive money  instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly...if needing assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed  and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cells.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing,shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free...on request.
Private secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC, a TV, a radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors  to hear complaints and the guards would have a code of conduct  that would be strictly adhered to.

The Criminals would get...cold food...be left alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8 pm and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay $600 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

The Australian Constitution

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq...why don't we just give them ours?  It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys;  it has worked for centuries and we're not using it any more.

The Ten Commandments

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse  or Parliament is this:  You cannot post Thou Shalt Not Steal...Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery...and Thou Shalt Not Lie...in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...it creates a hostile work environment.

Think About All the Foregoing!
If  you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone:

It is Time for us Grumpy Old Folk of Australia to speak up!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Purpose, Persistence and Passion
were three attributes paid to Bernie Morelli
for his achievements as a Hamilton politician for 22 years.

Scripted by Merle Baird-Kerr...January 19, 2014
Comments most welcome...send to

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