Secrets to a Long, Happy Marriage

and Soul-Mate Relationship 

According to clinical psychologist and relationship guru, Dr. Phil McGraw,

“We all need to be flexible and to compromise in marriage;

but you've got to be true to your core traits and characteristics...

what I call...your authentic self.”

Some couples enter a relationship projecting a persona they believe the other 
person wants ... one that really isn't what they're all about.  In reality,
 marriage is more of a partnership...and truth and trust are often at the basis 
of good marriages. Whether you're pondering marriage or have already tied 
the knot, consider the following advice to make a marriage endure
 for the long haul.

There's no such thing as the perfect marriage.  
Some couples create an image of what they think marriage is supposed to be...
and that image goes “poof” once reality sets in. 

Even soul mates are bound to frustrate one another from time to time.

         “Are Your Communication Skills Lacking?” asks Ben E. Benjamin.

         “You may pride yourself on being one of those people who can talk

         to almost anyone, but how well do you actually communicate?

         Chances are, you’re not coming across the way you think you are!

         Poor communication skills don’t just result in a misunderstanding

         or two.  They can threaten our jobs, families and friendships  ~ and in

         some cases, even our health…and most of us have no idea

         that we’re doing anything wrong.” 

         He advises us to check out these conversation traps you could be

         stumbling into.

         The Trap…You ask pointed questions, saying for e.g. “Don’t  you think

         going to France on our vacation is a great idea?”  seems like a

         harmless inquiry, and you may actually think you’re asking for input.

         But what you’re really doing is making sure you hear the answer

         you want, which is not helpful to anyone.

         The Fix…First, make sure that when you ask a question, you’re

         genuinely looking for an answer ~ not just aiming to have your own

         opinion validated.  For real feedback, tweak your question to something

         more open –minded, like, “Where would you like to go on vacation?”

         The Trap…You give the totally wrong response.  When a friend comes

         to you complaining about an issue she’s having, you probably respond

         In one of two knee-jerk ways, saying, “That’s not so bad,”… we’re

         diminishing their concerns, making them feel even worse.

         The Fix…Validate her concern by saying, “I understand how you  would

         feel that way.” Then ask questions to help her solve her own problem, such

         as asking what she wants to change and  how she might go about it.

         The Trap…You embrace your inner psychic…’Who needs a crystal ball

         when most of us are adept at tapping into our own psychic powers to know

         exactly what the other person’s thinking?’  Assuming you know someone

         else’s thoughts is one of the most deadly communication mistakes you

         can make.  We jump to conclusions before the other party can even answer!

        The Fix...Hear her out.  Sure, it’s tempting to play Madame Zelda  and put

        words in someone’s mouth…but resist the urge to make assumptions…

        and just listen.

        

Couples in relationships or marriage  should express their frustrations. 

Bottling up frustrations can eat at a person and eventually destroy a marriage. 

Talking about the things that are bothering you with your partner opens up

a discussion and can help work through things.

Divorce should not be seen as a viable option.  Couples who want to bail 
on the marriage at every turn, could be directing their energy toward divorce 
as the only solution...instead of discovering ways to remove the cause of strife. 
Divorce can sometimes be the easy way out when you think about the work
that goes into keeping a marriage working.  Experts say that there are a few 
issues...like adultery, abuse and drug/alcohol addiction...that may be reasonable
 catalysts for divorce if personal safety and sanity is being compromised.

Make time for romance!  Too often married couples forget what it was like 
to date when all of their attention was spent on each other instead of the the 
house kids, work, etc.  Happy couples find the time to spend “quality time” 
with their spouses ~even if that's only 10 minutes of 'alone time' a day.

Put “we” first.  Many people operate on a “me” mentality.  When  you're 
part of a couple ..."give more to your spouse than you take!”  If he or she 
is doing the same, you're working collectively for the benefit of the marriage.

Respect each other.  Often couples having troubles realize they treat strangers

better than they treat each other. Good marriages and soul-mate relationships

are based on a foundation of respect and love.  It's easy to lose feelings  of love...

if the respect is gone!

(Anonymous...excerpts from local  newspapers)

”Pearl of Wisdom”

Forgiving and being forgiven

are two names for the same thing.

The important thing

is that a discord has been resolved.

(C. S. Lewis)

A Burnt Scone Never Hurt Anyone

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now 
and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a 
long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of 
eggs, sausage and extremely burned scones in front of my Dad.  I remember 
waiting to see if he noticed yet all my Dad did was reach for a scone, smile at my 
Mom and  ask how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that 
night; but I do recall hearing my Mom apologize to my Dad for burning the scones. 
I'll never forget what he said ... ”Honey, I love burned scones”.

Later that night, I said  Good Night to Dad and I asked him if he really liked the 
scones burned. He looked at me and said, “Your Mother has been working hard
today and she's really tired; and besides...a burnt scone never hurt anyone!”

Life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people.  
I'm not the best at hardly anything; I forget birthdays and anniversaries
just like everyone else.  What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept 
each others' faults and choosing to celebrate each others' differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy,growing and lasting relationship.

So...please pass me a scone; and yes, the burned one will do just fine.

Life is too short  to wake up with regrets.

Love the people who treat you right

and forget about the ones who don't.

Enjoy Life Now ... It Has An Expiration Date!

(Author unknown)

“Pearl of Wisdom”

You will never know love unless  you surrender to it.

Yielding conquers all ... Love is the Prize!

(Solomon Fein)

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written February 21, 2012

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