The propensity to track, barter and exchange one for
another,
is common to all men ~ and to be found in no other race
of animals.
Traditionally, marriage included a kind of bantering ~ rather
than their mutual inter-independence or role-sharing.
Husbands financially and economically supported wives ~
while
wives emotionally ...psychologically and socially supported
husbands.
He 'brought home the bacon' and she cooked it.
He fixed the plumbing and she the psyche. (stated Bettina
Armat)
Been Home Together Too Long
My
wife and I were watching Who
Wants To Be a Millionaire, while
we were bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
No, she answered, Then, I said, Is
that your final answer?
She
didn't even look at me this time...simply saying Yes.
So,
I said Then,
I'd like to phone a friend.
And that's when the fight started......
I
took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
I'll
have the rib-eye steak ...rare, please.
He
said, Aren't
you worried about the mad cow?
Nah,
she can order for herself. And
that's when the fight started......
My
wife and I were sitting at a high school reunion, and she kept
staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table. I asked her Do
you know him?
Yes she
sighed, He's
my old boyfriend. I understood he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago.~ and I hear he hasn't been sober
since.
My
God! I
said. Who
would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
And then, the fight started.....
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me that I should get it fixed.
But, somewhat I always had
something else to take care of first.: the shed, the boat, making
beer.
Always something important to me. Finally, she thought of
a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass...
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of scissors.
I
watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was
gone only a minute ~ and when I returned, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said When
you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.
The
doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels and asked,
What's
on the TV? I
said Dust.
Took
the doctor 3 hours to remove the remote from my ear.
Saturday morning i got up early...quietly dressed...made my
lunch...and slipped quietly into the garage.
I
hooked the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph , so I pulled back
into the garage...turned on the radio...and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house ...quietly
undressed...and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's
back; now with a different anticipation ...and whispered:
The
weather out there is terrible.
My
loving
wife of 5 years replied: And
can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?
And that's how the fight started.....
My
wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, I
want something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in about 3 seconds. I
bought her a bathroom scale.
And then, the fight started.....
After
retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my
pension. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
licence to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized i had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would need to go home and return a little later. The woman said,
Unbutton
your shirt. So,
I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me...and
she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I
excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office. She said You
should have dropped your pants. You would have got disability too.
And
then, the fight started!
My
wife was standing nude...looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and said to me I
feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly, and
I really need you to pay me a compliment.
I
replied
Your eyesight's damn near perfect!
The foregoing are just some of the recent reports.
Stand by for
the marital stress.
Justifiable homicide appears to be the best
strategy.
The foregoing experiences were forwarded by one of my faithful
readers...Thank You!
* * * * * * * *
When
All Else Fails ~ Compromise is Often the Best Solution
My
husband of several years, employed by Stelco Research, returning from
work one day asked
This
summer ~ would you like to go camping?”
“Yes” I replied,
knowing our little boy also would enjoy this week or two.
That
was the last I heard of Camping!!!!
Being
of Chilean descent, family gatherings and cultural activities were
his forte!
The following summer, I suggested we join another
Chilean family
living here in Burlington for a week or two vacation at a family
holiday resort in Northern Ontario's Muskoka area.
With 2 lovely
daughters, it was the best two-week vacation we ever had!
Fun
and enjoyment for all.
When
a teen, my son would consult me with an
open-minded-question...trusting of course the answer was in his
favour...dubious about his intention, I'd reply I
suppose so! It's worth considering'. Observant
he was to my likes (and dislikes ) he still states to this day:
I
know why you love this...because it's different!
Author:
MBK...written
April 29, 2020
