Senior Quandaries

Age has its advantages.
A cartoon features an elderly woman in gaudy dress...

an old fashioned hat holding her wind-blown hair in place...

wearing laced up old-fashioned shoes.

Sitting lonely on a bench siding a treed park, she comments to a passer-by:

Age has its advantages...too bad,
I don't remember what they are!
And the dog with pointy ears sitting at her feet looks bored and useless.

With menopause comes skill: it's called multi-tasking:

you can laugh, cough, sneeze, pass gas and pee ~ all at the same time.

Reflecting on her past life, recalls Day 5 of Home School:one of the little bastards called in a 'bomb threat.'

Would you believe it?
Border Patrol just seized 2 tons of toilet paper hidden in cocaine!

Confusion Plus !!!

Couple in their 90 s, are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are physically okay....but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair...asking his wife, “Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?”

Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?

Sure!

Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?

No! I can remember it while in the kitchen.

Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too Maybe you should write it down,

so as not to forget it?

He says, “I don't need to write it down...I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that...write it down.

Irritated, he responds, I don't need to write it down. I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream ~ I got it, for goodness sake!!!

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen
and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment:

Where's my toast?

* * * * * * *

Florida Supermarkets are arranging special early morning hours
to let people 60 or older shop. The other 10 people in the state are thrilled

to have the store to themselves, the rest of the day.

On the Brink of Marriage

A senior citizen said to his 80-year old buddy:

So, I hear you're getting married.

Yep!

Do I know her?

Nope!

This woman ~ is she good looking?

Not really.

Is she a good cook?

Nay, she can't cook too well.

Does she have lots of money?

Nope! Poor as a church mouse.

Well, then, is she good in bed?I don't know!

Why in the world do you want to marry her, then?

Because she can still drive!

Hearing Aid

A man, talking to his neighbour: I just bought a new hearing aid, costing me $4,000.

It's 'state of the art' and it's perfect.

Really, answered the neighbour...What kind is it?

Twelve thirty.

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple days later,

the doctor spoke to Morris, You're really doing great, aren't you?

Morris replied, “Just doin' what you said, Doc: Get a hot mama and be cheerful.

The doctor said, “I didn't say that...I said:

“You've got a heart murmur ~ be careful.”

Disarranged Mind
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house
and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, Last night we went out to a new restaurant.
And it was really great. I recommend it very highly.

The other man asked, What is the name of that restaurant?

The first man thought...and thought...and finally said,What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know, the one that's red and has thorns?

Do you mean a rose? Yes! That's the one, replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen...and yelled,
Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Assembled by Merle Baird-Kerr...June 3, 2020

Comments always welcome: mbairdkerr@cogeco.ca