Why Some Men Have a Dog and No Wife:
The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs find you amusing when you are drunk.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad...just think it's interesting.
And last...but not least ~
If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.
To test this theory:
Lock your wife and the dog in the garage.
Then open it...and see who's happy to see you!
(My appreciation to Tom for the foregoing)
Dog's Bargain with God
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at any person who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a lifespan of 20 years.”
The dog said, “That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I”ll give you back 10 ?”
And God said that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20 year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?”
And God said that it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a lifespan of 60 years.”
The cow said, “That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give you back 40?”
And God agreed that it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this I'll give you 20 years.”
But the human said, “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80...okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support family.
For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me...I will be on the front porch.
(Gracious thanks to an ardent reader for the above)
Words of Wisdom
(Jack Layton ~ Leader of the New Democratic Party in Canada
wrote this prior to his cancer-death at age 61):
Love is better than Anger.
Hope is better than Fear.
Optimism is better than Despair.
So, let us be Loving, Hopeful and Optimistic
and we'll Change the World.
Merle Baird-Kerr … crafted July 26, 2013
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