Garfield's Explanation of the Oil Crisis
In a colour cartoon of Garfield in his cat slippers, night shirt and night cap...holding a cup of hot coffee...he states: A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage in Canada. Well, the answer is very simple!
Nobody bothers to “check the oil.”
We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for this is purely geographical...
our oil is located in Alberta, Saskatchewan, British Columbia, Manitoba,
coastal New Brunswick and coastal Newfoundland.
Our dipsticks are located in Ottawa.
Any questions? No? Didn't think so!
How to Wash the Cat (instructions by the Dog)
Thoroughly clean the toilet.
Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have
both lids lifted.
Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids
(you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase he can find.
Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash and
rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are
no people between the toilet and the outside door.
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
The now-clean-cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself.
And the dog... Prince,
rolls over hilariously on the floor!
The Crow, Rabbit and Fox
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crowand asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered, “Sure...why not?”
So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MORAL of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting...very, very high up!
God and the Dog
(Thanks to Sherrie for forwarding to me)
When God had made the earth and sky,
The flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals,
The fish, the birds and bees.
And when at last he finished ,
Not one was quite the same.
God said, “I’ll walk this earth of mine
And give each one a name.”
And so He travelled far and wide
And everywhere he went,
A little creature followed him
Until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth,
And in the sky and sea,
The little creature said, “Dear Lord,
“There’s not one left for me”.
“I’ve left you to the end.
I’ve turned my own name back to front…
And call you DOG, my friend.”
“Pearl of Wisdom”
Don't think there are no crocodiles
because the water is calm!
Be sure to read next posted article ~
What We Can Learn from Animals!
Merle Baird-Kerr...written February 3, 2013
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