Friday, June 28, 2013

Mysteries of Man (and Woman)

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing
to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change ... but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change ... and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman ...
before marriage and after marriage.

Barbecue Protocol

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

The woman buys the food.
The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, then takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill ~ beer in hand.
The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
HERE COMES THE IMPORTANT PART:
The man places the meat on the grill...then more routine he exhibits!
The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she
will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
IMPORTANT AGAIN:
The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman...then more routine.
The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and bring them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does all the dishes.
EVERYONE PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off”.
.. and upon seeing her annoyed reaction,
concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

(Graciously I thank Tom for the foregoing experience)
Here is a poem written by an African Shakespeare:

                                                Dear White Fella:
                                                Couple things u should know ~
                                                When i born, i black
                                                when i grew up, i black
                                                when i go in sun, I black
                                                when i cold, i black
                                                when i scared, i black
                                                when i sick, i black
                                                & when i die, i black

                                                u white fella
                                               When u born, u pink
                                                when u grow up, u white
                                                when u go in sun, u red
                                                when u cold, u blue
                                                when u scared, u yellow
                                                when u sick, u green
                                                & when u die, u grey
                                                & you have the cheek to call me “coloured”!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . November 23, 2011
Comments welcome ...scroll down (may enter as “anonymous”)
or e-mail ... inezkate@gmail.com

2 comments:

  1. ARDENT FOLLOWER WRITES: "Thanks for all the blogs. The last one is really funny. Men take all the credit while the women do all the work.

    Well, the black, always black, but with white, one can change colours with paint and makeup. Blood is always RED!
    Have a wonderful weekend."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Follower...thank you for your comments. Life is more wonderful with a bit of humour.

    ReplyDelete