Coroner and the Inspector
Three dead bodies turn up at the Dublin Mortuary. Mysteriously, all of them have big smiles on their faces. After performing autopsies, the Coroner calls the police to inform them of what happened to each person.
First body: “Pierre Dubois, a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year-old mistress. Hence, the enormous smile,” the Coroner states to the Inspector.
Second body: “Hamish Campbell, a Scotsman, 25, won 50,000 pounds in the lottery...spent it all on whiskey and died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile,” the Coroner indicated to the Inspector.
The Inspector asked, “And what about the third body?” “Ah,” says the Coroner, “The third body is the most unusual case. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, was struck by lightning.” The Inspector queried, “Why on earth was he smiling?” The Coroner replied, “He thought he was having his picture taken!”
Cartoon Quotes...from Crabby Road
“The invitation said, Come as you are... so I came hungry” (helping herself to an overly full plate of goodies and green beer).
“May the wind at your back, not be the result of corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch.” To him sitting behind the wheel of his car, she added, “Happy St. Patrick's Day!”
“No green food for me! I've enough of that from my fridge,” she sighed.
“It's OK to pretend we're IRISH on March 17. We pretend we're GOOD at Christmas, don't we?”
“I actually saw a leprechaun once, After enough green beer, you see all kinds of stuff!”
“I love parties where they have a pinata. You know me...any excuse to whack something with a stick.”
“St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland...wonder if I could get him to stop by the office?”
“I finally figures out why leprechauns dress so funny. They're single guys who've never had a wife.”
“If you find a 4-leaf-clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.”
(Expressing my gratitude to Tom for the foregoing)
Gardening Made Easy!
An old man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didn't have anyone to dig his garden so he could plant his potatoes. So he wrote to his son about his predicament. The son sent the reply, “For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig the garden up...that's where I buried the guns!” At 3 AM next morning, a dozen British soldiers arrived and dug the garden for three hours, but didn't locate the guns.
Confused, the man again wrote to his son, telling him what had happened and asking, “What should I do now?” The son's reply was, “NOW...plant the potatoes!”
Words of Wisdom
I never assume anything!
I anticipate the possibilities
and allow my imagination to create the future.
(Lionel Suggs ~ Author)
Scripted by Merle Baird-Kerr...March 18, 2014
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