Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Drafting Guys Over 60

This is funny and obviously written by a Former Soldier
who titled his writing...
New Direction for any War: Send Service Vets over 60.

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight in wars, they ought to take us old guys! You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35 years old.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys think about sex a couple times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy around, in front of and behind us.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky...and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. “My back hurts! I can't sleep! I'm tired and hungry!” We are bad-tempered and impatient...and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 AM. Old guys always get up early to pee...so what the h...! Besides, like I said, “I'm tired and can't sleep”...and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact...name, rank and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house...away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however...I've been in combat and never saw a 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too...I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes...not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed-off-old-farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons...who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!!! How about recruiting Women over50...in menopause???
You think MEN have attitudes???
Ohhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing else, put them on 'border patrol'. They'll have it secured the first night.

(Compliments to Sherrie for the foregoing story)

Military Humour

“The best tank terrain is that with anti-tank weapons.”
(Russian military doctrine)

“The best armour is staying out of gunshot”
(Italian Proverb)

“Airplanes suffer from so many technical faults, that it is only a matter of time
before any reasonable man realizes that they are useless!”
(Scientific American ~ 1910)

                                             Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
                                             Soldier: Sure, buddy.
                                             Officer: That’s no way to address an officer.
                                             Now, let’s try again!
                                             Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
                                             Soldier: No, SIR!

Scripted by Merle Baird-Kerr…September 9, 2014
Wish to comment? E-mail to:


  1. DAVID COMMENTS: "Hey, Merle ~ just read your blog re Drafting Seniors .
    Where do I register? H___ there are some mornings I wake with an attitude
    that I'd animated would spit bullets. It's been 46 years since I heard the whiz of bullets going past my ears. Who knows a good Doony brook just might put the spring back in my step!"

  2. I liked your breezy comments about attitude, bullets and a good Donny brook. Am certain you have many experiences from your military years.
    Thanks greatly for your thoughts.

  3. MEG WRITES: "This is just perfect!!!!
    I'll support that anytime...the women too.
    Thanks for the great laugh!"

  4. The article has many ASSETS!
    It would certainly alter our way of life!
    Perhaps ~ we should initiate a new movement ~ with new results!