Bullying is a form
of aggression where there is a 'power imbalance.'
The person doing
the bullying has power over the person being victimized.
(There are different
types: physical, verbal, social, cyber.)
Bullying turns
into harassment when the behaviour goes against
Canada's
Human Rights Law.
No Age Limit on
Bullying
The following are
excerpts written by a doctor, MD, FRCP
practising in Southern Ontario
(published in Hamilton Spectator, August 29,
2014).
In the light of all of the
suicide and heartache related to bullying that has made the news in the recent
months, I have chosen to reflect upon and share my own experience.
As a fellowship-trained
physician who was well-liked in the grade/high school, university, medical
school and residency, one would have thought I had safely sailed through
the “effected age group” unscathed by bullying.
But I met it face on in my last year of medical training...at the hands
of another professional. Ignition takes
very little and often, I believe, it has little to do with the person you are,
but more to do with the insecurities of the attacker rather than actions
or qualities of the attacked, which unfortunately, makes us all potential
targets.
Before you know it, 'a fire
starts burning in a dry forest.' Rumours
start flying, becoming more and more inaccurate as they spread and judgments
are made. Those caught in the middle
observe and may even partake as they are too afraid to walk away or stand up...they
too have a lot to lose. To avoid and
rise above such tactics admits weakness or guilt in some eyes.
To address them directly results in denial, intimidation or worse. For really, choosing to wrestle with a pig
means you too will come out covered in mud.
Bullying flies under the radar,
with little “documentation,” neatly sidestepping the formal processes put in
place to deal with this sort of thing.
Most notably, witnesses are afraid to come forward because they don't
want to end up in the 'line of fire' themselves. As such, the most that can be often handed
out to the offending party is a warning, which serves little more than to make
them aware you have attempted to fight back. This simply moves the target 10
feet closer to the shooter, as it all just gets worse. Before you know it, you are a walking
smile hiding the constant stomach ache, anxiety and shame that goes with living
a fight that you cannot win!
You learn to keep your head
down. It slowly ruins you and your thoughts and feelings about yourself and the
world you live in. It slowly spills over into your work...your ability to
learn...your relationships...your willingness to trust people...your desire to
even set foot in school or work..even your career path. You name it ~ one day at a time, it
crushes! Before you know it, as in my
case, you are raising a 'white flag' and are taking a job in a different
city. And the scars run deep!
Perhaps this is an effort to
raise awareness of a realization I was forced into making...that bullying is
a lot more prevalent than recognized. It
occurs at any age, in any setting and takes on a number of forms, some so
subtle it can be difficult to recognize.
And it is a
social epidemic, we all, not just our children,
need to get a
handle on.
Michael J. Fox
stated,
“One's dignity may be
assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked,
but it can never be
taken away, unless it is surrendered.”
Avoidance May Not
Work.
Confrontation turns
you into a mudslinger.
Sometimes, there is
no effective way to end the attacks.
As a teacher for several years in
Elementary Schools, I observed both girls and boys being “Bullied and/or Harassed”
by either sex at unsupervised times...usually after the day classes.
In that
generation, a school principal’s hands were tied
unless serious
infractions occurred on school property.
Each teacher had duty times on
the playground prior to classes...and at both recess times...also at lunchtime
when an assigned room was designated on inclement weather days. I relate
incidents that occurred to an accelerated academic student, Jerry, who
“wouldn't even harm a fly.” As his Grade 5 teacher, his parents, very concerned
about their son's welfare and the
emotional effects he suffered, kept me informed. Consider these traumatic
events (Grade 6, 7, & 8) happening to your son or daughter:
During lunchtime on a blizzardy-snowy day, the
teacher leaves the assigned room for a few minutes; this student, going to the
water fountain in the hall, gets his head pushed into the water-head
resulting in a partially broken tooth. And another time, returning to the lunchroom with door
intentionally smashed into his head...to the joy of his attackers! His bicycle tires were
often slashed; and once while returning home, bullies followed him as he biked
along a busy 4-lane street...trying to shove him into oncoming traffic. Another time he was swarmed in a nearby plaza by same bullies.
Fortunately, a police cruiser passing by came to his rescue. (The officers
obtained names of the bullies, then drove Jerry home with a bloody nose and
face lacerations.) A familiar phrase often given to him was, “You die
tonight!” signed by a few Grade Six students. This he took as a threat upon his life. Boys pushed
him into the hall wall while gleefully mocking him. In the Library once,
boys made tightly-folded paper missiles, launching them with elastics at his
face; sometimes there was a
straight pin attached to a few. Of course, no one claimed knowledge of
this! The harassment continued; he dreaded going to school…he was distraught
when the end of August arrived, knowing that ‘past behaviour would dictate
future behaviour.” Due to all injustices that were inflicted upon him, it was doubtful he would pass Grade
8. I knew very little of the foregoing atrocities he endured.
New History Creates a New Future (Dr. Phil)
His parents advised me in May of
that final year in Senior Public School that, because these bullies would be
attending the same designated High School, the family was moving to a new
neighbourhood, new school and new opportunities. Taking about a year to adjust,
he experienced what I call “A Rebirth”...subjects and activities of interest...new
friends…and incentive to achieve academically. After five years, he enrolled in
University earning a Degree; with this…he entered the business world into a
successful career.
Jerry’s parents were indeed proud of his achievements!
Today: Administrators
address the issues of Abuse and Harassment in Class Assemblies.
(whether ‘face to face’ confrontation or through cyber technology).
Today: ‘The Strap’ and other
hands-on-discipline is illegal.
Today: Students are empowered to observe, act and report.
Today: Life through the
‘grades’ is a smoother journey!
“People who love themselves, don't hurt other
people.
Those who hate
themselves want others to suffer.” (Dan Pearce)
Merle
Baird-Kerr...written August 29, 2014
I invite your comments on this issue…email
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