What a bargain grandchildren are!
I give them my loose change ~
and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.
Grandma often has better practical sense
...whereby, Grandpa can afford to project his humourous, yet cynical view of Life.
Why Grandpas are Different
(Thank you, Carolyn for this submission)
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning, he would take his 5-year old grand daughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time ~ pancakes, ice-cream, candy ~ just his grand daughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his grand daughter always anticipated their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their grand daughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl, anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?” he asked. “Not really, Papa...it was boring!
“We didn't see a single asshole, a queer, a piece of shit, horse's ass or socialist left wing Obama lover...nor a blind bastard, dip shit, Muslim camel humper or son-of-a-bitch anywhere we went! We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I didn't really have any fun.”
Almost, brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Remember Grandma's Clothesline?
(We are probably the last generation that will remember
what a clothesline was...in some places today, they are illegal.)
Thank you, Tom, for this enlightening rendition!
We had a long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clothesline up, so that longer items (sheets, pants, etc.) didn't brush the ground and get dirty. I can hear my grandmother now...relating the Basic Rules for Clotheslines:
You had to hang the socks by the toes...NOT the top.
You hung pants by the BOTTOM (cuffs)...NOT the waistbands.
You had to WASH the clothesline(s) before hanging any clothes ~walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.
You had to hang the clothes in a CERTAIN ORDER...always hang “whites” first.
You NEVER hung a shirt by the shoulders ~ always by the tail! What would the neighbours think?
Wash day on a Monday! NEVER hang clothes on the weekend or on Sunday, for Heaven's sake!
Hang the sheets and towels on the OUTSIDE lines so you could hide your “unmentionables” in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)
It didn't matter if it was sub-zero weather...clothes would “FREEZE-DRY”.
ALWAYS gather the clothes pins when taking down the clothes.! Pins left on the lines were “tacky”!
If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did NOT NEED two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
Clothes off the line before dinner time, neatly folded in clothes basket, ready to be ironed. IRONED??!! Well, that's a whole OTHER subject!
Messages from the Clothesline
A clothesline was a news forecast to neighbours passing by;
There were no secrets you could keep when clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link...for neighbours always knew
If company had stopped on by, to spend a night or two.
For then, you'd see the “fancy sheets” and towels upon the line;
You'd see the “company table cloths” with intricate designs.
The line announced a baby's birth from folks who lived inside,
As brand new infant clothes were hung so carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could so readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed, you'd know how much they'd grown!
It also told when illness struck as extra sheets were hung;
Then, nightclothes and a bathrobe too, haphazardly were strung.
It also said, “On vacation now” when lines hung limp and bare;
It told, “We're back!” when full lines sagged with not an inch to spare!
New folks in town were scorned upon, if wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbours carefully raised their brows and looked the other way.
But, clotheslines now are of the past...for dryers make work much less.
Now, what goes on inside a home, is anybody's guess!
I really miss that way of life...it was a friendly sign
When neighbours knew each other best...by what hung on the line!
Sam Levenson's Philosophy
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate ~
is called a Grandparent!
Merle Baird-Kerr...scripted July 14, 2014
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