REVENUE CANADA & IRS Humour

 Re Income Tax Returns

In early February, Sydney sent me a photo of a senior gentleman
who has received back his Income Tax Return for 2011. 
 Government-that-be’s were questioning how many dependents he claimed.

Under “List all dependents” he had replied: 2 million native Indians...1 million crackheads...7.3 million unemployed people ...100,000 people in prisons...half of Haiti...105 persons in the Federal Senate... 308 Members of Parliament. Sitting in a quandary at his desk, he says, “Evidently, this was not an acceptable answer. I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?”

Today, Tom has forwarded another couple's experience.

         Danny and Gladys are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation

         to celebrate their 50^th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system,

         the Captain announces:

         Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news;

         our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency

         landing.  Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be

         able to land on the beach.  However, the odds are that we may never be

         rescued and will live on the island for the rest of our lives.

         Thanks to the skill of  the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Danny turns to his wife, asking, “Gladys, did we pay our Visa and Master Cards yet?” 

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Danny, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Gladys, did we pay our American Express card yet?”  to which she replies, “Oh, no!  I forgot to send that cheque too!”

“One last thing, Gladys ~ Did you remember to send the installment cheque for Revenue Canada this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Danny,” begged Gladys.  “I didn't sent that one either.”

Danny then grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Gladys pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”

Danny answers, “We'll be okay ~ Revenue Canada will find us!”

 People of Notoriety Comment About Income Tax

Albert Einstein:  The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax.  This is too difficult for a mathematician ~ it takes a philosopher.

Robert Heinlein:  There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.

Will Rogers:  The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

Ken Dodd:  I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Peg Bracken:  Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Bill Vaughan:  The tax collector must love poor people ~ he's creating so many of them.

Vanaje J Cormody:  I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.

Jewish Proverb:  Taxes grow without rain!

TAX…WOW!

 

This is very interesting…funny with a “hint of truth!”

(Thanks to an ardent reader for the following)

Tax his land; Tax his bed; Tax the table at which he’s fed!

Tax his work; Tax his pay; He works for peanuts…Anyway!

Tax his cow; Tax his goat; Tax his pants; Tax his coat!

Tax his tobacco; Tax his drink; Tax him if he Tries to think!

Tax his car; Tax his gas; Find other ways…To tax his ass!

Tax all he has…Then let him know…That you won’t be done…Till he has no dough!

When he screams and hollers…Then tax him some more…Tax him till…
He’s good and sore!

Then tax his coffin; Tax his grave; Tax the sod in which he’s laid!

When he’s gone…Do not relax;  It’s time to apply…the Inheritance Tax!

And if that’s not enough…Consider these:

Accounts Receivable Tax; Airline Surcharge Tax; Airline Fuel Tax; Airport Maintenance Tax.

Building Permit Tax.

Cigarette Tax; Corporate Income Tax.

Death Tax; Dog Licence Tax; Driving Permit Tax.

Environmental  Tax (Fee); Excise Taxes.

Federal Income Tax; Federal Unemployment (UI); Fishing Licence Tax; Food Licence Tax.

Gasoline Tax (too much per litre); Gross Receipts Tax.

Health Tax; Hunting Licence Tax; Hydro Tax.

Inheritance Tax; Interest Tax.

Liquor Tax; Luxury Taxes.

Marriage Licence  Tax; Medicare Tax; Mortgage Tax.

Personal Income Tax;  Property Tax; Poverty Tax; Prescription Drug Tax; Prov. Income & Sales Tax.

Real Estate Tax; Recreational Vehicle Tax; Retail Sales Tax.

Service Charge Tax; School Tax.

Telephone Fed. and Prov. and Local SurchargeTaxes; Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax.

Vehicle Licence Registration Tax; Vehicle Sales Tax.

Water Tax; Watercraft Registration Tax; Well Permit Tax; Workers’ Compensation Tax.

Think This is Funny?

Not one of these foregoing Taxes existed 60 years ago…

and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class 

and Mom stayed home raising kids!

What in “H…” happened?  Can you spell  POLITICIANS???

Crafted by Merle Baird-Kerr … April 3, 2013,

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