Marriage Bartering

The propensity to track, barter and exchange one for another,
is common to all men ~ and to be found in no other race of animals.

Traditionally, marriage included a kind of bantering ~ rather than their mutual inter-independence or role-sharing.

Husbands financially and economically supported wives ~
while wives emotionally ...psychologically and socially supported husbands.
He 'brought home the bacon' and she cooked it.

He fixed the plumbing and she the psyche. (stated Bettina Armat)

Been Home Together Too Long

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, while we were bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” No, she answered, Then, I said, Is that your final answer?

She didn't even look at me this time...simply saying Yes. So, I said Then, I'd like to phone a friend.

And that's when the fight started......

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
I'll have the rib-eye steak ...rare, please.
He said, Aren't you worried about the mad cow?

Nah, she can order for herself. And that's when the fight started......

My wife and I were sitting at a high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her Do you know him?
Yes she sighed, He's my old boyfriend. I understood he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago.~ and I hear he hasn't been sober since.

My God! I said. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

And then, the fight started.....

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somewhat I always had something else to take care of first.: the shed, the boat, making beer.
Always something important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass...
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute ~ and when I returned, I handed her a toothbrush. I said When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway. The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels and asked,

What's on the TV? I said Dust.
Took the doctor 3 hours to remove the remote from my ear.

Saturday morning i got up early...quietly dressed...made my lunch...and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph , so I pulled back into the garage...turned on the radio...and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house ...quietly undressed...and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation ...and whispered:
The weather out there is terrible.

My loving wife of 5 years replied: And can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?

And that's how the fight started.....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then, the fight started.....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my pension. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized i had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would need to go home and return a little later. The woman said, Unbutton your shirt. So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me...and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said You should have dropped your pants. You would have got disability too. And then, the fight started!

My wife was standing nude...looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly, and I really need you to pay me a compliment.

I replied Your eyesight's damn near perfect!

The foregoing are just some of the recent reports.
Stand by for the marital stress.
Justifiable homicide appears to be the best strategy.

The foregoing experiences were forwarded by one of my faithful readers...Thank You!

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When All Else Fails ~ Compromise is Often the Best Solution
My husband of several years, employed by Stelco Research, returning from work one day asked
This summer ~ would you like to go camping?”
“Yes” I replied, knowing our little boy also would enjoy this week or two.
That was the last I heard of Camping!!!!

Being of Chilean descent, family gatherings and cultural activities were his forte!
The following summer, I suggested we join another Chilean family living here in Burlington for a week or two vacation at a family holiday resort in Northern Ontario's Muskoka area.
With 2 lovely daughters, it was the best two-week vacation we ever had!
Fun and enjoyment for all.

When a teen, my son would consult me with an open-minded-question...trusting of course the answer was in his favour...dubious about his intention, I'd reply I suppose so! It's worth considering'. Observant he was to my likes (and dislikes ) he still states to this day:
I know why you love this...because it's different!

Author: MBK...written April 29, 2020