Coroner and the
Inspector
Three
dead bodies turn up at the Dublin Mortuary. Mysteriously, all of
them have big smiles on their faces. After performing autopsies, the
Coroner calls the police to inform them of what happened to each
person.
First
body: “Pierre Dubois, a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while
making love to his 20-year-old mistress. Hence, the enormous smile,”
the Coroner states to the Inspector.
Second
body: “Hamish Campbell, a Scotsman, 25, won 50,000 pounds in the
lottery...spent it all on whiskey and died of alcohol poisoning.
Hence the smile,” the Coroner indicated to the Inspector.
The
Inspector asked, “And what about the third body?” “Ah,”
says the Coroner, “The third body is the most unusual case. Paddy
Murphy, Irish, 30, was struck by lightning.” The Inspector
queried, “Why on earth was he smiling?” The Coroner replied, “He
thought he was having his picture taken!”
Cartoon Quotes...from
Crabby Road
“The
invitation said, Come as
you are... so I came
hungry” (helping herself to an overly full plate of goodies and
green beer).
“May
the wind at your back, not be the result of corned beef and cabbage
you had for lunch.” To him sitting behind the wheel of his car,
she added, “Happy St. Patrick's Day!”
“No
green food for me! I've enough of that from my fridge,” she
sighed.
“It's
OK to pretend we're IRISH on March 17. We pretend we're GOOD at
Christmas, don't we?”
“I
actually saw a leprechaun once, After enough green beer, you see all
kinds of stuff!”
“I
love parties where they have a pinata. You know me...any excuse to
whack something with a stick.”
“St.
Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland...wonder if I could get him
to stop by the office?”
“I
finally figures out why leprechauns dress so funny. They're single
guys who've never had a wife.”
“If
you find a 4-leaf-clover, it means you have entirely too much time on
your hands.”
(Expressing
my gratitude to Tom for the foregoing)
Gardening Made Easy!
An
old man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh
Prison, didn't have anyone to dig his garden so he could plant his
potatoes. So he wrote to his son about his predicament. The son
sent the reply, “For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig the garden
up...that's where I buried the guns!” At 3 AM next morning, a
dozen British soldiers arrived and dug the garden for three hours,
but didn't locate the guns.
Confused,
the man again wrote to his son, telling him what had happened and
asking, “What should I do now?” The son's reply was,
“NOW...plant the potatoes!”
Words of Wisdom
I
never assume anything!
I
anticipate the possibilities
and
allow my imagination to create the future.
(Lionel
Suggs ~ Author)
Scripted
by Merle Baird-Kerr...March 18, 2014
All; comments are welcome...e-mail to:
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