Absurdities of Today

 Phaedrus stated, Things are not always what they seem.
The first appearance deceives many...the intelligence of a few ~
perceiving what has been carefully hidden.

Just because something isn't a lie, does not mean it isn't deceptive.
A liar knows that he is a liar ~ but one who speaks mere portions of truth
in order to deceive, is a craftsman of destruction. (Criss Jami)

Observation by Walter Scott:
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!

Let Me Get This Straight

From one of my faithful readers, Tom contributed this current issue about a trip to the groceteria to buy a pack of sliced ham wrapped in plastic...a loaf of bread in a plastic bag...a quart of milk in a plastic jug...a pack of table napkins wrapped in plastic...a Greek salad in a plastic bag...a plastic bottle of mustard...and a plastic bottle of ketchup. They won't give me a plastic bag to carry it home!

Why? Because the plastic bag is bad for the environment!!!

The Dead Horse

A young man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. So the farmer drove up to Donald's house and said, “Sorry son, but I have bad news: the horse died last evening.” Donald replied, “Well, then, just give my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can't do that! I went and spent it already.”
Donald said, “OK. Then just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer asked, “What are you gonna do with him?”
Donald replied, “Sure, I can...Watch Me! I just won't tell anybody he'd died.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Donald and asked. “What happened with that dead horse?”
Donald said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars apiece and made a profit of $2,495.”

The farmer questioned, Didn't anyone complain?

Donald said, Just the guy that won. So I gave him his five dollars back.

Social Distancing

I went to the bathroom at a restaurant.
I washed my hands...opened the door with my elbow.
I raised the toilet seat with my foot.
I switched on the water faucet with a tissue.
Then, opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow.
And, when I returned to my table,
it was then I realized ~
I forgot to pull up my pants!

A bagpiper in full dress stated, I'm giving up drinking for a month.
(Sorry, bad punctuation)...I'm Giving Up!
Drinking for a whole month!

Pharmacist advises worried female customer:
You may experience irritability and pain in the hands and wrists...
and that's just from trying to get the cap off this medication!

Concerned buyer asks: Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last ~ if you freeze it?

Quarantined with hubby for 2 weeks, Gertrude is solemnly knitting
something special for him: a long narrow knitting rope with loop at the end!

When the hair salon was closed...the message stated:
Your dog groomer next door has a cancellation.

Home-Schooler posts notice:
If you see my kids locked outside today ~ Mind Your Own Business!

Quarantine Meal Schedule

7 am: Breakfast
7:15: Dessert Breakfast
8:30: Panic Snack/News
9:45: Chocolate
11:30: Snack while standing up
12:30: Lunch with small dessert
2:00: Post nap luncheon
4:30: Trail Mix|
6:00: Dinner with weird vibes
10:00: Ice Cream

The Smartest Man

There's a plane with 5 passengers aboard: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Pope Francis, Angela Merkel and a 10 year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.
Trump says, I need one. I'm the smartest man in the world
and am needed to make America Great Again! He takes one and jumps.

Johnson says, I'm needed to sort out Britain. He takes one and jumps.
The Pope says: I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church. He takes one and jumps.
Merkel says to the 10 year old boy: You can have the last parachute.
I've lived my life, yours is only just starting.
The 10 year old boy replies: Don't worry, there are 2 parachutes left .
The smartest man in the world took my school bag!
(the foregoing from one of my faithful readers)

March 8, 2020