Enjoy Your Day

You Don't Have Anything Else to Do
(forwarded by one of my faithful readers)

I hope they give us two weeks' notice before sending us
back out into the real world!

I think we all need the time to become ourselves again.
And, by ourselves...I mean 10 pounds...cut our hair...
and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m.

New monthly budget: Gas $0

Entertainment: $0

Groceries: $2,799

Breaking News

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.
Not so much to stop COVID-19...but to stop eating.

Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now.
We don't have nails to file and paint... roots to dye...eyelashes to remink...
and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day.

I have been training for this moment my entire life.

When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.

I stepped on my scale this morning.
It said: Please practise social distancing.
Only one person at a time on scale.

Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything over 6 weeks.

It may take a village to raise a child,
but I swear it's going to take a vineyard to 'home school' one.

I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead we got 'working from home'
and' toilet paper shortages.' Worst Apocalypse Ever!

You know those car commercials

where there is only one vehicle on the road ~
doesn't seem so unrealistic these days.

They can open things up next month...
I'm staying in until July to see what happens to you first.

The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:
How dense the population is...
and 2: How dense the population is!

Appropriate Analogy:The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now:

The parachute has slowed our rate of descent,
so we can take it off now.

People keep on asking:

Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?

Listen y'all: the churches and casinos are closed.
When heaven and hell agree on the same thing,
it's probably very serious!

Never, in a million years could I have imagined
I would go up to a teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

Home School Day 1:
I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid
transferred out of my class.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today
and calling it a pub crawl.

Okay, the schools are closed.
So, do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house
or what?

For the second part of this quarantine,

do we have to stay with the same family
or will they relocate us?

Asking for myself.......

Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs.
We wander around the house looking for food.
We get told, No...if we get too close to strangers

and we get really excited
about going for walks and car rides.

The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner!

Enjoy your day: You don't have anything else to do!

I trust you appreciate the foregoing author's current dilemma now facing us!

Merle Baird-Kerr...written May 25, 2020

To respond: mairdkerr@cogeco.ca