Childhood
Recollection
“At
my grandmother's house in Brantford, I had a slide, a swing set and a
wading pool”.
“I
perceived that the slide was teetery...and was therefore fearful of
it tipping over when I was at the top due to a high center of
gravity. I believe it was my Dad who had a bright idea of putting
the bottom of the slide in the wading pool, supposing that it would
be pleasureable to slow my descent to earth by displacing a small
amount of water.
“And
my grandmother tied the garden hose to the top of the slide, that I
might hydroplane over the film of water...and thus experience a much
greater gravitational acceleration. I quickly learned that the rate
of descent, coupled with my size and weight, exceeded the vertical
challenge of the burms, thus causing a significant risk of sliding
over the edge.
“Furthermore,
the water had sufficient depth to absorb and displace my kinetic
energy, thus allowing my tailbone to impact the bottom of the pool
upon landing...and not allowing my back to sufficiently clear the
bottom edge of the slide, causing more aggravated discomfort.
“So
I played more on the swing set!”
With
“Tongue in Cheek”
in
response to my posted article re Las
Vegas Ignites My Ire!
“It's
a good thing alcohol control is so effective at preventing drunk
driving, otherwise innocent people would be killed by drunk drivers.
I'm glad nobody ever drives 'drunk, due to its being illegal'.
“And
it's a good thing we've never had a mass shooting here in Canada,
like the shooting that never happened at General Brock High School.
And wasn't there one at McGill University?
“And
it's a good thing child pornography is illegal, or someone like Mike
Rafferty might kidnap, rape and kill an eight-year-old girl. Thanks
to it being illegal, he had no access to such media.
“There
is no such thing as a law that criminals obey!
“And
there is no such thing as a gun-free-society. Even if you had one,
history has shown that such societies precede a totalitarian
government that genocides the part of the population that disagrees
with said government. And a dubious government with such aspirations
will always tout gun control following such an incident.
“And
in the case of Edmonton, they refuse to call it what it is: an act
of guerilla warfare, perpetrated by a foreign enemy soldier, who
thinks he is at war with us.
“And
in the case of Las Vegas, an act of guerilla warfare, perpetrated by
an American, who is guilty of high treason by serving a foreign enemy
to make war with the United States.
“If
they just call it what it is, and treat it accordingly, it's all very
simple!”
You
Are Condemned!
“A
man was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a bar
for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup, she launched into a long
tirade about the 'evils of alcohol'. She went on and on about how
alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society...how it was the root
of all the city's problems!
“Slightly
annoyed at having to listen to the nun, the man told her, 'Listen,
Sister, I work hard for my money...and sometimes at the end of a long
day, I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I
have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home...I provide for
my family...I volunteer my time to several local service clubs...and
I contribute regularly to various charities.
Yet you stand here and condemn me
just because I drink the
occasional glass of scotch!'
“The
nun was slightly taken aback and replied, 'I
see your point, my son, and I apologize if I offended you, but
alcohol is such a powerful demon, that all who consume it are
doomed!'
“There
you go again,” said the man. “How can you make such a sweeping
statement? Have you ever TRIED alcohol?” 'Of
course not,' gasped the nun, 'the evil alcohol has never touched my
lips!'
“Do
you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout
nun to some kind of evil degenerate?” 'Well,
I really don't know...' she replied.
“I'll
tell you what ~ come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink.
One drink! I”ll prove to you that 'evil'
is
not inside the glass...it's inside the person.”
“Oh,
I could never be seen going into such a den of iniquity...it's out of
the question! However, your comment about 'evil' residing in the
person, rather than the glass, is intriguing. I must admit, you've
aroused curiosity in me.”
“Well,
let's go inside and settle this situation.”
“No,
my son, I could never enter such a place...but how about this? Take
my tin cup with you and fill it with this 'scotch' you mentioned.
Bring it out to me...and I'll try it.”
“You're
on,” said the guy.
“The
nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into
the bar and said to the bartender, 'Two scotch-on-the rocks...and
could you put one of them in this tin cup, please?'
The bartender sighed and said,
“Is
that darn 'nun' out there again!?!”
God
as Inventor!
A colour cartoon shows a woman walking along a flagstone path in a
flowering park garden. Two men, one with a cane, sit together
chatting...on a bench. “When you think about it...God has to be
the best inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a
loudspeaker!”
Compiled by Merle Baird-Kerr...October 25, 2017
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