This is funny and
obviously written by a Former Soldier
who titled his writing...
New Direction for
any War: Send Service Vets over 60.
I am over 60 and the
Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't
be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing
ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight in
wars, they ought to take us old guys! You shouldn't be able to join a
military unit until you're at least 35 years old.
For starters,
researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys think about sex a couple times a month, leaving us more than
280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy
around, in front of and behind us.
Young guys haven't
lived long enough to be cranky...and a cranky soldier is a dangerous
soldier. “My back hurts! I can't sleep! I'm tired and hungry!”
We are bad-tempered and impatient...and maybe letting us kill some
asshole that desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and
shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't
even like to get up before 10 AM. Old guys always get up early to
pee...so what the h...! Besides, like I said, “I'm tired and can't
sleep”...and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some
fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured, we
couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In
fact...name, rank and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be
easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at
and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation
for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of
the house...away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up
on the obstacle course, however...I've been in combat and never saw a
20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any
pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part
is kind of a waste of energy, too...I've never seen anyone outrun a
bullet.
An 18-year-old has
the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start
a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that
a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes...not the back of his
head.
These are all great
reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life
before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track
down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is
a couple million pissed-off-old-farts with bad attitudes and
automatic weapons...who know that their best years are already behind
them.
HEY!!! How about
recruiting Women over50...in menopause???
You think MEN have
attitudes???
Ohhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing else, put
them on 'border patrol'. They'll have it secured the first night.
(Compliments to Sherrie
for the foregoing story)
Military Humour
“The best tank terrain
is that with anti-tank weapons.”
(Russian military
doctrine)
“The best armour is
staying out of gunshot”
(Italian Proverb)
“Airplanes suffer from
so many technical faults, that it is only a matter of time
before any reasonable man
realizes that they are useless!”
(Scientific American ~
1910)
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That’s no way to address an officer.
Now, let’s try again!
Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
Scripted by Merle
Baird-Kerr…September 9, 2014
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