When raising my family, we lived
in a townhouse complex. A couple of my son's friends, Ross and Robin were
outside playing one evening. Checking on
them, I noticed Ross had picked up a cat and began swinging it by the tail
around and around many times...the cat with loud “MEOWS.” Politely I requested he stop this cruelty to
someone's pet. Reluctantly he did so and ran home. In a few minutes his father appeared at my
door reprimanding me for interfering with his son's behaviour.
Acts of cruelty to
animals are not mere indications
of a minor 'personality
flaw' in the abuser.
They are symptoms of
a deep mental disorder.
Research and criminology shows
that people who commit acts of cruelty to animals, don't stop there: many of
them move on to their fellow humans.
“Murderers...very often start by killing and torturing animals as kids,”
says Robert K. Ressler who developed profiles
of serial killers for the FBI.
Studies have shown that violent and aggressive criminals are more likely
to have abused animals as children.
Psychiatric patients who repeatedly tortured dogs and cats found that all of them had high levels of
aggression toward people. The deadly
violence that has shattered schools in recent years, has in most cases, begun
with cruelty to animals.
Because ABUSERS
target the powerless, crimes against
animals, spouses,
children and the elderly...go hand in hand.
Children may be
repeating a lesson learned at home;
like their parents,
they are reacting to anger or frustration.
Research is clear
that there are connections between
animal abuse...a
domestic abuse...and child abuse.
ABUSE is any behaviour
used to gain and/or maintain power/control over another person...usually
intentionally, even unintentionally if done habitually. Abuse is never the
fault of the victim!
Emotional Abuse: Violent outbursts of anger,
put-downs/bullying, sarcasm, blame, threats (defined as 'Verbal Abuse'
); the silent treatment...forcing of
degrading acts...controlling...isolation from family and friends...belittlement
of character...threats of killing self, partner or children...are also
indicators.
Physical Abuse: Pushing, shoving, punching, choking,
pinching, biting, spitting, striking, threatening with weapons, cutting,
restraining, burning, pulling hair, with-holding medical treatment, etc.
Financial Abuse: Allowing no access to money, running up
bills, with-holding financial information, taking it/or belittling your
financial contribution, threatening no financial support if you leave.
Sexual Abuse: Forcing or coercing sex (rape), insisting on
specified sexual acts, accusing partner of unfaithfulness, assaulting breasts
or genitals.
Relationship Abuse
is a pattern of abuse and coercive
behaviour
used to maintain
power and control over a former or current partner...
can also be emotional,
financial, sexual or physical
and can include threats,
isolation and intimidation.
Relationship Abuse is caused by: Sense of Entitlement...A
Belief They should have Power and Control Over Their Partner...Belief
They Can Get Away With It...Learned Experience that Being Abusive Gets
Them What They Want...Belief that Their Lives Should Take Priority!
The foregoing is
currently referred to as
NARCISSISM.
(Reread my email introductory quote on this
topic.)
Defined by the Mayo
Clinic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder
in persons who have...an inflated sense of their own importance...a deep need for
admiration and adoration...and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists project
illusions of themselves to control the other's perception of them.
Deep scars from Narcissistic Personality Disorder can
cause hurt for years...even the rest of one's life!
The Narcissist,
himself/herself may be unaware of the damage caused because it is (or has
become) a natural habit for self-satisfaction.
School Abuse: From my viewpoint, as a retired teacher, it
is fully enlightening that 'the powers who be' are getting a positive handle on
the bullying actions of students and taking action to lessen these abusive
problems!
Family Abuse: Yes, this goes on at home and parents usually
don't define it as abuse; they
call it discipline! It is so easy to say
to a child...”Don't do this...or Don;t do that!” This being a 'negative' approach
should be exchanged for a 'positive' statement (e.g. Do This…or Do That) with supporting
reasons to affect better and more desirable behaviour.
Child
Abuse...Unrecognized in Our Era
Sherrie once wrote me: At my
hair-cutting school, I witnessed mothers bringing in their daughters
(who were not advised ahead of time) to have their hair shorn off and the
little girls screamed and cried their
eyes out. Most of us left the room and
cried ourselves. A Woman's Hair is
Her Pride!
Yes, I went to a
Catholic Private School...
my Mom cut all my
hair off before attending...
traumatizing for a Mom to do so! Now you know why I treasure my long hair.
I replied to her: I had a similar experience...my sister and
I had long hair. My scalp seemed
sensitive to pain which I always experienced when Mom daily braided my
hair. One day she sent me to a small
salon in the village (unknown to me) to have my hair cut!!!!! I was mortified! Then when I sadly returned home in tears to the farm, feeling very hairless, I
was doing my portion of cutting the grass (for which my sister and I were
weekly responsible). While pushing this lawn-mower...a bird pooped on my head! I WAS TOTALLY
UPSET!
Sherrie and I now
reflect and agree...these were forms of Child Abuse.
Parents should
discuss matters like this with their children.
In Junior Grade School, my son
was late returning home one afternoon. He was in tears due to having 'been
strapped' on bare hands by the Principal.
For a couple or three years, he had to wear corrective glasses. Whether
it was because of his
glasses or classified as an “Advanced Student” (whatever the reason, I didn't
know), boys were teasing him and after school dismissal, were throwing stones at
him. This continued for a few days...finally
he retaliated and threw stones at them. These bullies reported him to the
Principal.
Merle
Baird-Kerr...March 16, 2015
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