Wives at a Seminar
A group of women were at a
seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love
your husband?” All the women raised their
hands. Then they were asked, “When was
the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered, 'Today,' a few
'Yesterday' and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take
out their cell telephones and text to their husband: “I love you Sweetheart!”
The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another person and to
read aloud the text message they received, in response. Below are a few replies ~ some are
hilarious. If you've been married quite a while...a sign of
true love...who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
Who the hell is this?
Eh, mother of my children...are
you sick or what?
Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
What now? Did you crash the car again?
I don't understand what you mean.
What the heck did you do now?
Don't beat about the bush, just
tell me how much you need!
If you don't tell me who this
message is actually for, someone will die.
I thought we agreed you wouldn't
drink during the day!
Your mother is coming to stay with
us, isn't she?
Am I dreaming?
The Shortest
College Paper
(This is just too
funny and just too brilliant)
A college class of women was told
to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: The short story had to contain the following
three things...Religion...Sexuality...Mystery. Below is the only A+
short story in the entire class ~
Good God! I'm Pregnant!
I wonder who could have done it!”
Mother's Driver's
Licence
A mother is driving her little
girl to her friend's house for a play date.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother
replied. “It's not polite,” “OK,” the little girl says, “How much do you
weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says,
“Those are personal questions and are really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you
and Daddy get a divorce?” “That's enough
questions, young lady! Honestly!”
The exasperated mother walks away
as the two friends begin to play. “My mom won't tell me anything about her,”
the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” says the friend, “all you need to
do is look at her driver's licence. It's
like a report card...it has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl
says to her mother, “I know how old you are...you're 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, “How did
you find that out?” “I also know that
you weigh 130 pounds.” The mother is
past surprised and shocked now. “How in
Heaven's name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says
triumphantly, “I know why you and Daddy
got a divorce.” “Oh really?” asks the
mother. “Why is that?” “Because you got
an F in sex.”
The Husband
Seminar
At St. Peter's Catholic Church,
they have a weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session one week, the
priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding
anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had
managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled
husbands, “Wella, Iva tried to treat her nicea...spenda da money on her...but
best of all, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe,
you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please, tell us what you are planning for
your wife for your 50th anniversary.”
Giuseppe proudly
replied, “I gonna picka her up.”
(The foregoing
incidents sent to me by Tom...Thank You.)
Compiled by Merle
Baird-Kerr...November 6, 2014
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