A Moment's
Decision Will Affect Our Lives...
to return to the way
things used to be...or
to chance something
new and possibly quite wonderful!
One may say, “Nothing in Life is
Perfect.” Be assured, “Nothing is
Permanently Perfect.” There are Perfect
Moments…and the will to change that, will bring more such moments. Life has
complications and maybe impossibilities that try to beset us. It is a rich discovery …to find that Moment to Live.
* * * * * * * *
A Potential Mother, first seeks freedom
and independence...always dreaming of love, a husband, home and family.
Marriage, to a woman, is a step to achieve these goals...providing a Life of
Happiness and Great Personal Fulfillment!
Men seek in Women: confidence, intelligence, unmaterialistic, spontaneity, playfulness, sensuality, honesty, independence, supportive. Men explore all these qualities.
Each looks for “the perfect
match.” For generations, woman was dependent upon man finding her…by
chance meeting...arranged marriage…church or neighbourhood friend. Women today may independently search Mating
Groups on Internet, they frequent bars, gyms and sports where men can be found,
attend Singles’ Dances. Others are more
subtle…relying on opportunities for their destiny.
From my viewpoint point and reflecting on memories of several attentions over many years, I consider some decisions wise and some irrational. We feel that we are intelligent at any stage...the 20's, 30's 40's then we question the disappointments and failures. The male, I am confident, has experienced same.
Please understand: As I introduce
these “men in my life”, mostly, they were acquaintances, becoming friends for a
period of time. Only my husband lived
with me.
In Grade 8, Elmer and his
twin brother moved to our farm village.
He was tall, lithe, athletic and intelligent. We found ourselves competing for high
marks. Throughout High School, we were
in the same classes...always sitting near the other and secretly passing notes. I dreamed of possibly “a life together some
day”. To me it was a great omen that the
letters of Elmer and Merle were the same. Although he attended
University of Toronto, I rarely saw him. My mother informed me that Elmer then
did post-graduate work in London, England and graduated from Carlton University
in Ottawa as a Civil Engineer. He
retired as a Professor from University of Waterloo a few years ago.
At the tender age of 18, I
suddenly discovered the first emotional stir for the opposite sex. A church acquaintance of my parents drove to
our home with a handsome man (dark hair and of swarthy build) to discuss some
business with my father. Glancing at Lawrence, my teen age body said, “WOW”! I longed to see more of him...which didn't
meet my father's approval.
Contrary to common belief, it is the Brain, not the Heart,
that is responsible for all emotions.
The Brain breathes...
beauty into art... drama into the crashing waves along a rocky shore…
serenity into a dramatic sunset…anger into uncalled for injustice…
danger into a possible vehicle collision.
Names have been
changed to protect identities in the following;
I have renamed them
after Explorers and Adventurers.
While at College in Toronto,
Jacques invited me to an International Baseball League game...the
Maple Leafs at Maple Leaf Stadium. I was
so flattered, yet felt somewhat uncomfortable, having not yet experienced the
etiquette and good manners of a gentleman who buys the tickets, provides a
blanket to cushion the hard seats, purchases hot dogs and pop from the selling
vendors, who takes my hand as we navigate the many stadium steps. I felt
truly honoured...yet unable to garner my inner feelings. How do I handle this? We dated a few times...remaining friends.
(The Maple Leafs ~ now Toronto Blue Jays.)
Sebastian was 25
and I was 19. Handsome with curly auburn
hair, he was anxious to marry and was most disappointed when I rejected his
proposal. I had a Life ahead to pursue...education to qualify for job positions...but mostly to “find
myself”. Marriage, as exemplified by my
parents, was nothing I was in any rush to experience.
As happens, with most females, I
admired Al, Bill and Marco in College.
Only Marco showed any interest who wanted more than I was
prepared to give...and deterred me by his sexual advances.
Returning home to Brantford for a
summer job, Abel, who lived in my neighbourhood, invited me to
attend the September Commencement Exercises.
He had already spent one year at London’s
Western University.. The evening was conversationally pleasant; distances
prevented any further development of our friendship. He graduated with a Business Administration
degree; job awaiting him at Eaton's.
I was employed by the
Hamilton-Wentworth Board of Education as a teacher, spending about 15 years with
students varying from Grades 3 to 8..
Specialty Supervisors visited our classrooms a few times yearly observing our students'
progress...then offering suggestions for improvement. Roald, a
Physical Education Supervisor, paid special attention to me, flirting and
hinting at out-of-school-meetings (he was married). This was unacceptable to me!. My perception of the situation said, “I'd be
thrilled to spend some time with this handsome man,” yet common sense ruled! “I'll
not be responsible for the breakup of any man's marriage.”
Then there was Henry, a Grade 8 teacher in the same school, who at noon hour one
day, suddenly zipped open his fly and flashed his enlarged swollen-looking
penis! Seeing me shocked, he stated, “You'll
love this! When can we experiment?” Blatantly I replied, “Never!” It was total revulsion!
With a yearly income, I had the
freedom to explore the games of golf, tennis, renew my badminton interest from
High School and learn to ski. With a few
lessons, I became exhilarated with this winter sport. On a weekly packed ski bus travelling 2 ½
hours north to Collingwood or Holiday Valley, south of Buffalo, I met Christopher...tall,
dark and handsome (the ideal man for any woman's eyes)...and an avid
skier. We dated a few times when ski
season ended. In his apartment, one
Sunday, waiting for other guests to arrive, I was “in awe” of him...yet
reticent to show any personal emotions.
He never chased me...always a gentleman.
I felt relieved, yet disappointed that nothing romantically developed
between us. He was Jewish, which I
respected. My desire was to spend more
time together. Those were the days when “women did not telephone men.” I would
often stay in Saturdays and Sundays, to await his call between ski
seasons. None ever came.
Monday evenings I played
badminton at Westdale Collegiate. There
I met James. We frequently
played Doubles and participated in a few
local tournaments. He captained an Oakville
soccer team. We dated several
times...all enjoyable. I didn’t have these
fluttery flashes, but he was a ‘fun guy’.
Near the end of his soccer season, it was evident his team would win the
Championship. He invited me to attend
with him the Celebratory Dinner/Dance and presentation of trophy. I DID NOT DANCE! And therefore, I would not
embarrass him by going...and too embarrassed to tell him. I kept giving him excuses, despite my desire
to attend.. After 3 askings, he gave up.
He never knew my reasons! Upon
losing him, I was extremely disappointed!
Defeated...I must LEARN TO DANCE!
The lessons with a professional
instructor were enjoyable, inspiring, rewarding. Music I understood and quickly realizing that
dancing was an outlet to express myself with choreographed steps to the rhythm
and with defined body movements. The
Latin beat from the Caribbean came alive on the dance floor. Now confident, I
attended Saturday night dances in downtown Hamilton. In those days, it was safe to, not only go
alone, also to accept a ride home from someone you met. Francis was German, a good dancer...I felt very much at ease
with him. Our friendship was mutual,
instilling a warm comfort level. One
Saturday evening, he offered to drive me home.
Approaching his new Ford, I commented, “Francis, I love your car,” to which he responded, “I want you
to love Me!” Impressed, I smiled.
Through a Varsity group, I met Edmund, a High School Language
Teacher. Fair of skin and red haired, he
was very friendly…a fine gentleman. We
were great friends for 2 or 3 years. He
left his teaching position to attend Trinity College (University of Toronto) to
gain a divinity doctorate degree en route to becoming a Presbyterian Church
minister. Frequently on Sundays, I took
the train to Toronto...he would meet me at Union Station. Together we would attend Massey Hall to hear
the Toronto Symphony Orchestra at one of their rehearsals, following which we
had dinner prior to my return train to Hamilton. During the third year, I
seldom heard from him. In May, we met at
a Lakefront cafe in Burlington and when dusk, parked beside Dundurn Castle
overlooking the Bay. He asked me to
marry him…a huge surprise! To marry him didn’t seem like the “right dream to
come true for me”. Yes, I respected him...but lacked romantic heart beats that should spell of
“love”.
I am beginning to wonder about
Relationships and Love between Man and Woman. What is it I’m missing? Are my expectations too high? From what I had read and heard, “chemistry is
rare”…which seems I haven’t yet discovered!
A couple married friends commented, “This romantic excitement isn't
cracked up to what you believe.” Flo, a
newly married friend in confidence told me, “I am happy but this sex thing
wasn't fantastic.” Infatuation occurs
when courting and extends through the “honeymoon days”. With the daily routine of Life, it wears
off. Pondering all this...what are
you left with? A Friendship that is Stable is possibly the basis of a Good
Relationship and a successful marriage...upon which Love will then surface and be built
upon...day after day, year after year.
Is that the secret?
Que Sera, Sera
( lyrics by the
Jay Livingston and Ray Evans songwriting team)
When I was just a
little girl
I asked my mother,
“What shall I be?
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?”
Here's what she
said to me:
(Chorus)
“Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be,
will be.
The future's not
ours, to see.
Que Sera, Sera.
What will be, will
be.
When I was young,
I fell in love.
I asked my
sweetheart, “What lies ahead?
Will we have
rainbows, day after day?”
Here's what my
sweetheart said:
(Repeat Chorus)
Now I have
children of my own.
They ask their
mother, “What will I be?
Will I be
handsome? Will I be rich?”
I tell them
tenderly:
(Repeat Chorus)
(To be
continued...Part II)
Merle
Baird-Kerr...originally written December 4, 2010
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Can you match the names with the following Explorer surnames?
Drake
Cartier Amundsen
Tasman
Hudson Cabot
Hilary
Columbus Cook
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